Caregiving To What Lengths?

I recently talked with a caregiver who has decided to forgo needed medical treatment for a life threatening condition because she’s afraid it would disrupt the care she gives her mother. It broke
my heart to hear that she would rather endanger her life than ask her mother to deal with some temporary changes.

That’s an extreme situation, of course, but don’t most of us caregivers perform little acts of self denial every day? I’ve put off many a doctor’s visit for myself while I dutifully scheduled and went to appointments for my loved ones. Have you too? I’m about two years late in going to the dentist and in
getting those new glasses I need. And you? And when there’s a time crunch because of caregiving duties,
my daily walk is usually the first thing to go. How’s your exercise routine going?

Do the loved ones in our care require this of us? I don’t think so. Sure, there are some demanding care recipients who would keep us tied to them every minute, if they could. But most of our loved ones want for us to be happy, and they appreciate what we do for them. They don’t want to be the reason that we neglect ourselves, and they’d feel terrible if our lack of self-care led to a serious illness.

It’s usually our own expectations that get in the way of doing what’s right for our care recipients and
for ourselves. The little time it takes to go to the doctor, see the dentist, or take a walk will not make a big difference to our being able to meet our care recipient’s needs.

But it will make a big difference to us. None of us is required to hurt ourselves to help someone else;
there is enough love in our hearts to share with our care recipients and to give to ourselves as well.

Emily Cooper is Information and Assistance Specialist for Caregiver Programs with Boulder County Area
Agency on Aging. For information on BCAAA caregiver services, call 303-678-6116 or Email BCAAA Caregiver Services.

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